Lobstar

Freak A Markdown

;there is again music that drags me along this earth in a sad pattern;

 

panic at the disco death of a bachelor

the black queen fever daydream

 

in my weird research mindset, I looked up lyrics for the black queen and found a lyric from the dillinger escape plan.  the song was more metaphysical than i gave it credit for.  may have actually been the song that inspired the name fever daydream

 

none of this means anything

 

Magic

I gotta stop listening to music while I type these..  I end up just wanting to sing and not think about which words or direction to take this in..  but maybe you aren't here for direction.  the only direction is inside.    there theres your goddamned direction  now let me type my nonsense

 

I type these things for you but im not just me im you so you know how that goes

 

 don't you wonder when the light begins to fase and the clock just makes the colors turn to grey forever young ro growing old or just the same all the memories that we make will never change will stay drunk well say dead all the love we made golden dayssss golden dayssssss s   golden dayssss

i bet they met some diplomats in the chand ndgo dsijojf s adjfiopj   damnit i lost the beat and the sentences, that was panic at the disco being typed out as it happened but i guess now this is a freestyle to the beat of their music but not words that rhyme did you know doing this is much like i forgot the word..  emditation this is like being in the moment and documenting your thoughts but it is not fun if you are dumb because where does a dumb mind go when you unleash it

/   i say dumb but I cant spell so know that when i say dumb i don't mean you beacause you can't spell becuase speling is stupid anyway if you can't read misspelled words you may be dumb though 

ya know you should always be able to read into what the reader is getting at unless you think the reader is an alian or something that you cannot reach yourself..  there is no amount of knowledge you can stuff into your head that will make you alien to me.  ya know?  I lost the moment cus a commercial is playing and i don't want to look at it so now im trying to explane the nature behind being dumb and smart and what matters and what doesn't matter

this panic at the disco video starts with old songs that he's breaking away from through death and becomeing a hellish creature.,   this song is really good and the video is better than the song 

 

i love his lyrics because it seems like he takes general feelings and writes abaout them to the extent of a song but adding personal detals that make it universal but general universal stuff is also gnostic stuff and occult because those things are the universal human thing

there are many things that can seem scary why am i explaning this shit 

im so confused about how this was working two paragraphs ago..   it seemed like my new thing a few minutes ago but now it's all stale and broring and i dont know which direction to go in because i don't want to analize this song withouth knowing the name of it and i would have to take my hands off the keyboard to figure that out..  its the video where he turns to a demond and i cna't spell demon there it iss   why isn't there a d on the end of demon if thats how it sounds?  s omeone get on that pronto we gotta tell the world that demon is missing a letter

I thought one day that words that were violent like kick and punch and hurt were words that to say you would have to show your teeth..  I've been studying manipulation for work and I think showing teeth is a big body language thing that i could eventually take advantage of even if only in video recordings 

I gotta spend some time in front of a mirror..  excuse me,  more time infront of a mirror practicing showing my teeth in different situations.. ya know   embrace the animal that we are 

 

i took my hands off the keyboard and scratched my head

the death of a bachlor is is ijssisisisisisisi  damnit i thought i learned how to spell bachelor before and there it is just forgot ssssns  an e   i think its time for this to decondsttruckt  

 

ive been using the backspace beforfe that last line oliejndsfanidafs

ok 

i need the backspace sometimes because the uglyness fo w a

of workdsd

kl'fa

 l'

of words that i type makes me angry and i spasz

;l,

fuck 

spaz out

fuck 

apparemtnly 

apparently sapfewawl]

af

spas isn't a word i know how to spell even after a few terijrwan  reitiojjio per

tries 

jsfajio 

i started that last liki

line out with a wrong letter 

this is werid now 

im just jusdgso fjas

just judging my self on things that are not even worth being judged about but i am a libra so thats how life is as a stupid scale of judgment and shit so with death comes rebu

rebu

rebirth and with writing anything good sums up potentioal energy imi not

im not gonna trythose words again 

this is stupid im just typing 

and its make mafimsa

i don' t   if you cannge your words before you finish typing them its hard to not press pbackspace 

dislexial

dislexia damn i thought that was it minus the l dislexeia fuck pod

789 tin foul ball 

creatures of the nial 

nile 

fuck 

the good the bad and the dirty is on now

that song is fun 

i like the beat

the beat and the horns are a main point of my pan ic at the disco love 

this is gonna end soon don't worry  

 

I wonder if i typed a lot or not a lot this time  but it never matter because i don't think people that read this are into the content part of the deal.. just checking to see if their alchemist is still sane or dead or brain dead or a zombie like he fears himself rotting from the inside..   

im inside

insane 

in im

im insane so so don't wrrry worry about checking in on my mind you palieo scientisis 

i don't know what that insult means but that definitely menas that im batshit crazy 

 

im so crazy that i could probably name all 5 of my disorders and classify them with ocia oceaosha osha 

i think i heard that word at work so i thought it would make sense in that snetanece   thats the definition of crazy right    

 

fuck a duck in the butt you holly crumb sucker bitch hat stoner 

 

 

I hate when insects try an give me a hug